Grief at the Holidays
Life brings its changes, year after year. Sometimes these changes are subtle, other times they are dramatic, particularly when we lose someone we love.
Holidays can be difficult for myriad reasons, but adding grief into the mix of emotion can become overwhelming. When we lose someone, our day-to-day outlook may change as we navigate life without a loved one’s presence. Special occasions may look very different in light of the changes.
There are many models for understanding how people grieve. No single model captures every experience, but one model that demonstrates the variety of moments that a person may encounter is the Dual Process Model of Grief. It explains how people cope by moving between “loss-oriented coping” and “restoration-oriented coping.” I find this model particularly poignant during the holiday season because we can think of those activities that bring about sadness alongside those that bring about adjustment and healing.
We may find ourselves, one moment, crying or feeling our loved one’s absence. In another moment, we may find ourselves planning new ways to celebrate or enjoying laughter with family and friends. The movement between these two ways of coping is called “oscillation,” like the type of fan that moves in one direction and then another. This oscillation from one emotion to the next may be overwhelming at times, but also has the potential to provide some relief and balance in times of emotional intensity.
It is okay to give yourself permission to lower expectations, change plans, and make modifications to seasonal activities. It is also helpful to reach out for support from a therapist or support group with members who understand the complex feelings and experiences of grief. One popular support group is Grief Share, which offers a website with support tailored to navigating holidays after loss. Other support groups may be found through your community center, faith organization, or health and mental health providers.
Please reach out to Kildaire Counseling if we may be a support for you at this time.
