Celebrating Mother’s Day without a Mother
Mother’s Day, like any holiday, can bring mixed emotions. Happiness or Sadness. Celebration or Grief. Connection or Isolation.
Many older adult clients I speak with still have a longing for the comfort or embrace of their mother. Others long for a long gone era of life with the people they loved. Still others grieve for a type of childhood and mother they never had.
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This is our first Mother’s Day without my grandmother. She was the matriarch of the family, and the last connection I had to my childhood. Having lived with us the 8 years prior to her death, she had been an ever present comfort for children as well. Grief has been a continual companion over the past 10 months.
My husband announced he had a Mother’s Day surprise, and all we knew was that we were headed to Raleigh. As we entered the Oakwood neighborhood, my son laughed when I joked that my husband was taking us to the cemetery for Mother’s day. But I was the one laughing when, sure enough, he turned the corner through the cemetery gates. At first I thought he was lost, trying to find a hidden garden or some other beautiful spot to stroll, but no. This was his intended destination.
The Oakwood Cemetery Wind Phone is nestled among the trees, next to a peaceful stream. “The dial tone is silent. The ringing reaches up to the clouds” starts the poem posted in the phone booth.
Wiping away my tears, I spoke to my grandmother and told her how much I loved her. Each of us did the same in turn, wishing her a Happy Mother’s Day. Honoring her for all the years she cared for children, grandchildren, and the many others she looked after. Saying these words out loud was powerful and healing.
I couldn’t have thought of a better Mother’s Day gift.
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In my work as a therapist, grief is a common theme.
Loss of mobility, loss of driving, loss of independence, loss of family and friends, loss of a career. Aging and Health Issues frequently come partnered with loss, and all the emotions we associate with grief.
Speaking about grief and loss is healing. I’m ready to listen.
